My 'Dysentery Diet' Works!

I can see it now - a new marketing campaign by the Egyptian Tourist Board "Send us your fat people and we will rid them of their unwanted weight."

Using our unique approach to food hygiene we will use contaminated water in our ice cubes and salad washing to induce diarrhea and vomiting. This will lead to dehydration and a total lack of appetite - and even if you WANTED to eat - you didn't dare!

It worked for me!

And, it seems, a significant proportion of the other delegates and their partners who attended the conference I was working on.

I stayed at the JW Marriott Hotel at Mirage City, Cairo - a 5 star (and very swanky) hotel with its multiple swimming pools - with wave machine, golf course, 'health' spa "and acres of marbled flooring.

I had opened the conference with an attempt at humour which politely encouraged delegates to be careful about what they ate. I warned that if they didn't do so, their bum would resemble the picture at the beginning of Bonanza! (If you got that, you're old!)

Any way, I heeded my own advice - until the last night, when i let down my guard. I had been invited by my client to stay on for their awards dinner and i could have a night off as i would not be required to MC the event. A very kind and much appreciated invitation. Little did they know what the food had in store for me.

I made the classic mistake and ate a green salad - with prawns! AND a tiny cup of ice cream (and it was tiny) How stupid could I be?!!! It must have been the two glasses of wine I had before dinner that stopped me from thinking straight.

Everything was fine, until I awoke at 2.50am. But at 3am precisely and every ten minutes thereafter, I was forced to rush to the bathroom. I suspect similar 'explosions' were taking place throughout the hotel that night. Thankfully I was already equipped with Immodium (what I call 'superglue for the bum' - and is ALWAYS with me when moderating foreign conferences)

For the next few hours, almost as regularly as clockwork, every ten minutes I had to go.

The next morning, it appeared that the majority of colleagues I saw looked grey and weak. Many had indeed been similarly affected.

It was my first visit to Egypt. I didn't really know what to expect. I didn't realsie that cairo has a population of 16 million - and is the second largest city on the planet (behind Mexico City. The Egyptians I met were SO genuinely friendly and helpful. They really appreciated you visiting their country. There was a warmth that radiated from behind their smiles.

My message to the food hygiene administration (if there is one!) is - SORT THIS OUT! With 30-40% of your countries' industry coming from tourism - its not good to poison a significant proportion of them!

On the plus side - yesterday I weighed in at 12st 9 pounds.

As Peggy said, "This could be the 'new start' you were looking for." She could be right. I have lost my way a bit in recent months - this has helped (even though - two days after I got back, my guts are still VERY delicate - and right now, I have to take a break from writing - I'll be back in a moment!

I'm back.

When I returned from Egypt, Peggy's other comment which is not for the fainted hearted was;

"May be you need a large dose of gravy granules - to help you thicken it up!!!"